And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Randomize
