you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
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