The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
