i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
