Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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