I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
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