proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize
