Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
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