Already got asked if we're dating
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
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