Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
