why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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