DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
The police scanner is talking about you again....
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
