So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Randomize
