idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Randomize
