My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
