well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize