cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Randomize
