I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
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