the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
I just blew my weed a kiss
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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