Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
