Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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