I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Randomize
