Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
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