I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
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