My girlfriend figured out who you are.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Randomize
