he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
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