Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
