her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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