Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
