I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
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