so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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