So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
