you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
