My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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