yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Randomize
