Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
Randomize
