I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Randomize
