I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
