Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Randomize
