haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Randomize
