I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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