I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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