dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
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