Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Brb crying the tears of my youth
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Randomize
