I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
