Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Randomize
