is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
