I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
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