So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Randomize
