White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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