You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize