Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Randomize
