He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
I love you. Go after that dick
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
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