My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
Sober January is a disaster.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize
