Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
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