is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Randomize
