i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize