I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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