How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
