it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
