i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
