Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize