It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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