I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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