I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
I just had sex on a roof
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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