i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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