At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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