i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
