so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Randomize
