There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Randomize
