the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
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