pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Randomize