There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Randomize
