Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize
