I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize
