she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
