is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
being pregnant is like rehab
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
