make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
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