it's too hot outside to masturbate.
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
there was a trapeze. enough said
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Floor bacon is actually really good
Randomize
