Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
