yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
