oh god the rape fog is back!
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
