Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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