put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
