Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
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