I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
You need Xanax blowdarts
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Randomize
