If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
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